Mubarak who???

So, I took the Jeopardy Online Test last night. Apparently, for those that would like to try their hand at getting on the show, the first step is to take the online test (administered only once per year). Depending on your (in)ability to answer questions correctly during the online portion, they may, or may not, invite you to “audition” in the major city of your choosing… where you will take another online test, and possibly do a mock battle to gauge your spunk and genius. This test consisted of 50 answers that you need to answer in 15 seconds or less. Yes, you answer the answer- you are NOT allowed to answer in the form of a question during the online portion. And, since you only have 14 seconds to read the category, read the clue, then type your answer before the “DING!” and you’re on to the next one, I would suggest typing as little as possible. You’re also allowed to submit your answers before time is up, as I did with my “lady gaga” and “tom brady” answers. Most of the clues were hard enough that you should probably possess more than just a general knowledge of pop culture. ;) There was one clue that was in the “architecture” category and said something about being Italian, starting with the letter “A” and something to do with columns. My answer was “arugula”… NAILED IT! I’ve got this one in the bag.

I think what I may be trying to get at here is that maybe the time has come that I shouldn’t be venturing too far away from home without somebody to push my wheelchair. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about my ever-increasing age at all. I’m talking about maybe taking this parenthood thing just a tiny bit too far. I’d like to think that I was a pretty smart kid growing up, and I think that all of those A-pluses on my report cards would back me up. (I had a half-handful of smart parents to make sure I started out on the right track there.) I’d heard rumors of ladies losing a little intelligence once they started having kids. (Whoopsie! Where did I leave my keys?!) But I didn’t have that problem after the first kid, or even after the second one. I even went back to work after the second kid and have been continually blowing my coworkers out of the water with my vast intellect. But then I went ahead and had that third kid, and I really feel like I’ve lost a step somewhere. Maybe I’m not walking in circles and drooling on myself, but I did spill water on my boobs while drinking this morning, and I spilled some chili/cream cheese dip on the crotch of my pants during lunch yesterday (which is fine because the dip tastes just as delicious being licked off of your crotch as if it never fell off of the chip in the first place). I guess my warning is this- think twice before you have more than a kid or two. For those of you who were not raised as an only child, you may think that it’s okay to have just one kid, but I would strongly suggest having two, because you WILL be ignoring your kids between the ages of 2 and 18, and they need somebody else to argue with. But then make sure that you stop at two. Let us not get carried away with thinking we are such GREAT parents that we should just go ahead and keep squirting them out, damn our receding intelligence. Seriously, do we ever look at the Octomom and say, “Now there is a lady who has her shit together”??? Plus, birthing babies fucking hurts and we shouldn’t be pushing the envelope like that.